Visiting Heaven

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After losing her grandmother who was also her best friend, Tori distances herself from everyone she knows and falls into a deep, dark place—losing control of her life with no idea on how to get it back on track. With the gift of being able to visit heaven and the guidance of her nanny, she is able to get back on track with her life and even find love.

Chapter 1

As I hit the county line and was less than a mile away from my mom’s I felt an excruciating pain in my chest and I knew she was gone. When I reached the house, mom was waiting outside for me in the driveway. “Tori don’t go in there, she’s gone baby. Just remember her the way she was before she got sick honey.” My mom said. I stood in my mom’s driveway sobbing because my best friend, my grandmother, my nanny was gone. She was no longer suffering, but I was angry and mad. The COPD had taken away the most important person in my life. I wanted to scream and kick like a kid throwing a tantrum, but I knew it wouldn’t bring her back so I just fell to the ground quietly sobbing. How was I going to keep my promise to take care of myself? How was I going to live my life if the person that was always there when I needed her was gone? As I watched the hearse take her away, I could feel myself slipping into a dark place that I had no idea how to get out of. If only I had gotten the chance to say goodbye, but I didn’t, instead I got here too late. And now she was gone forever and there was nothing I could do about it. The next couple of days were some of the hardest days that I had ever had to deal with. People came to pay their respects and honestly, it made me sick because hardly any of them came around when she was alive. What should have been a time that brought everyone together made me want to distance myself from everyone and everything. Three Weeks Later It had been three weeks since my nanny passed away and I hadn’t offered to change clothes, go to work, shower, nothing.


I was having a hard time grieving due to anger and the fact that I felt completely alone. I had no idea what to do about it. I distanced myself from my mom and the rest of my so-called family was nowhere around. I was a complete mess. I was about to crawl back into bed when I heard a knock on my door. I opened the door to find my boss standing on my porch and he didn’t look happy. “It’s been three weeks Victoria and you haven’t returned any of my calls or came to work. I know you are going through a tough time right now, but we need you at work. The paper work isn’t going to take care of its self.” My Boss said. “Henry, sir I am going to be honest, I don’t care, and right now I just want to be alone.” I said before slamming the door in his face. A few minutes later I received a text saying that I was fired and to come clean out my office immediately. I didn’t even let it phase me; instead I threw my phone on the couch and opened another carton of ice cream. A few hours later I got the urge that someone was watching me. I shrugged it off and realized that I smelled something that stunk. After realizing that the stink was myself, I decided that maybe it was time to get a shower. I got up from the couch and headed upstairs to the bathroom.


I stripped down and turned on my shower to the hottest setting, I stepped in took a breath, feeling relaxed as the steaming water ran down my back. As I stood there with my eyes closed I thought about nanny and how much I missed her. I finished my shower and got dressed because I had decided that maybe a drive would help me feel a little better. I got into my car; I didn’t know where I was going to go I just knew that I wanted to drive. Before long I realized that I had driven to the graveyard. I slowly got out of my car and walked over to her headstone that had a newly engraved hummingbird on it because she absolutely loved hummingbirds. I took a breath and fell to my knees crying thinking about all the talks we shared over coloring posters and drinking coffee. I sat there on the ground sobbing until my eyes were all out of tears. I had lost my most favorite person in the world, I had no one to talk to and I had lost my job. My life was out of control and falling apart and I had no idea how to stop it.


As I started to get up I whispered, “I love you up to the moon.” Normally she would say “and back again” but this time I didn’t hear it. It was something we had said to each other since I was a kid; it was part of our special bond. When I got back home, I was numb, I didn’t want to be alive anymore, I just wanted my life to end because without her here I felt like my life wasn’t worth living. I went in my house, locked the door behind me and then sat down and wrote a powerful goodbye letter. I sealed it in an envelope and stuck it on the table where I knew it would be found. I grabbed a kitchen knife and went to the bedroom, slamming the door shut. I grabbed my Bible and sat down on the bed with the knife in one hand and the bible in the other. I took a breath while holding the knife to my throat. I whispered the words,

Wagner, Rebekah (2018-11-14T22:58:59). Visiting Heaven . Xlibris US. Kindle Edition.

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Rebekah Wagner